| mother |
[May. 5th, 2008|09:58 pm] |
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I wish she understood. |
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| cat |
[Feb. 11th, 2008|05:34 pm] |
hey, I really need to talk to you.
xoxoxo |
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| dont want to be here.... |
[Jan. 21st, 2008|09:34 pm] |
These lips might sink ships but these kissed take trips to san francisco double dutch disco take it to de habi do it for scottie, do it for the living do it for the dead do it for the monsters under your bed do it for the teenagers do it for your mom, broken hearts hurt but the they make you strong, we wont stop untill somebody calls the cops and even then well start and just pretned that nothing ever happened.
I need to start again and pretend like nothing ever happened. I do it for my mom the living and the dead but I need to learn to start again.
This house feels like its shrinking.... not to many more months...
LOTS OF LOVE kitty CAT!
J_j- |
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| pro. to the. crastinate |
[Dec. 17th, 2007|12:05 am] |
| [ | toons |
| | silence and klinks | ] |
Im procrastinating, which I will STOP NOW.!!!! Thats a lie but thats okay. Ha Im going to be SOOOO tired tommarow, ahhh its going to SUCk balls big time. Hmmmmm need to finish this essay. Praying for no school tommarow so I can sleep (and not have rehersal) (hope you still love me cat, i just dont want to rehearse because I havent looked at my script since last rehersal, because I worked this weekend ALOT ALOT, in a weird way, and i wish it was but its just not a priorety its sad because it used to be the most important thing and now...I just want the future to be here which is AWEFULL i KNOW, but hey atleast im honest.
love you lots sugar muffin,
January Joy |
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| HAPPY THANKSGIVING! |
[Nov. 22nd, 2007|02:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Here, in the moment | ] |
| [ | how u doen? |
| |  Thankfull | ] |
| [ | toons |
| | The Killers--Midnight show | ] |
hello dearest of mine aka catherine my love, my one, my one and only ahhhaha!
Happy day of eating turkey, or I guess giving thanks. I am very thankfull that you are in my life, because even though you arent here in the physical you are here with me everywhere I look, in pictures, in letter, in spirit, and always in my mind. I adore that we are friends, and I am soo happy I have someone like you in my life, I know in the past 6 months or so we have seen very little of each other but I think if anything that has allowed me to reflect on our friendship and recognixe how dear you are to me. THere is not one other being on this planet that I have come across that I feel as connected to as you, and I feel that, that is such a special gift, because for a second or a week I will get caught up on a male but when we speak I forget of their exsistance because we actually have something, something so real and so special no boy could ever live up to it (however I do hope that someday I will find someone who is a close second and has a penis :) )But you get the drift, I am just so happy you are in my life, and that we found each other at such a young age. So today on the day of eating massive amounts of turkey untill one vomits, I want to instead offer thanks for the friendship that I share with you Catherine, because I can't think of anything more beautiful or special in my life. So thank you, from the depths of my being thank you for being in my life.
Lots of Love,
January Joy
XOXOOXOXOXOOXOXOXO |
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| life as usual |
[Nov. 8th, 2007|09:02 pm] |
| [ | toons |
| | man hating music haha i love it | ] |
I started my new Job today at Ruby Tuesdays, everyone seems nice. Its 29 degrees out, brrr.... I can't conjoin thoughts right now and I dont know why.... hmmm... thats slightly frustrating.I hope (cat) that you are having a spledid time in... oh gosh I must be tired because i cant remember where you are, oh no... well on your new(er) adventure. I have some bad news I found out the con is at the end of november but maybe they will have one dec/jan, when you are home :-D I miss you alot. ALOT ALOT ALOT!!! :-) I really want to get into soka I go on their website alot and i just read random anything about the school, its like for the past year or so, maybe 8-10 months I have had this passionate crush on Soka which is preposterous because its a school, but I love it soooo much, I really hope it happens. I love you alot, (ps sorry other readers if there are any this is mainley for my number 1)
XOXOOXOXOXOXOOX
J |
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| catherine the phone hung up :-( |
[Nov. 3rd, 2007|05:20 pm] |
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dear cat,
the phone hung up and i dont know how to reach you. I doubt you will call back because we did already talk for an hour but it was amazing hearing your voice, and oh how i miss you dearly. I hope you have an incredible trip and make sure its safe. :-) I love you alot, and sorry for the dropped call.
LOVE JANUARY !!!!!!!
XOXOOXOOXOXO |
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| to my bestest best in CR |
[Nov. 2nd, 2007|01:20 am] |
I miss my bestest best in the world who is the most wouderful, beautiful, creative, young women I know. (Catherine thats you incase you were curious.) I have had a bit of a heart wrenching evening but it is 1:21am in the morning cause its am and I really miss you and love you (and im fine by the way just alot of silly high school drama) but i have high school in 6 hours. Wahoooo!!!!!!!!! Soo as short as this is it is what it is. I love you alot and miss you dearest of dears. Good bye.
January
to cat- XOXOXOOXOXOOXOXOOXOXOXOOXOXO |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 18th, 2007|07:17 pm] |
She took a step into the mess, it was inside of her. It was once a bundle of emotions waiting to detract from the constant ebb, but now, now that mess lived inside of her head. Papers, books, stuffed animals, music, pictures oh the pictures... She fell into Alices hole but did not meet the cheshire cat and there was no sign of men in top hats drinking tea. This was a very diffrent place, a place of imagination a place of heart ache and fear, yet there was comfort. There was a scent of grandmas house, but no one had cleared a path to lead her to the comfort. She walked in dismay, hoping to find diddle dee or diddle dumb, knowing grandma was gone and the tea had dried up. She sank further into her hole and landed in a room clear of space and time, there was nothing. Like what a boy once said he could think. When she was wrapped in his arms she didnt believe him but now she was in a spaceless place that lacked a clock or maybe just time. She feared this place. No structure! What was a girl like her to do? She jumped up and down she climbed the emptiness, but all she found was more emptiness, and then like her first time with a man it hit her. She fell to the ground screaming for joy. This utopia she had reached-- namless, timeless, spaceless. And like all good things, she rose to the highest beams of her imagination and dived down to reality. It had finished itself, it was no more. "Good bye Alice, Good bye to your hole" |
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| forever ago |
[Oct. 17th, 2007|10:12 pm] |
I fell in love with my best friend. Well I fell in love with him and then he became my best friend.I made this thing because of him. I made it before we dated. then we did date. then i hated him. then i got closure. then i didnt hate him. Now were close friends. Full circle its funny how things work like that.
Now Im appling to college and so is he many years after the fact and i thought BROWN when i first met him. But apparently you should never listen to a boy wearing tinker bell pants a Bush hating t-shirt and a Brown Sweat-shirt, apparently they arent reliable.
Times have turned or hour glasses and so have the days of our lives. Hah!
amused at lifes little games |
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| Good Bye |
[Apr. 3rd, 2007|08:36 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | not here | ] |
| [ | how u doen? |
| |  creative | ] |
| [ | toons |
| | baka and beyond | ] |
I dreamed of feeling the moisture dripping along my colorless cheeks, but never did it happen.
I stood over you, your body now a corpse, why?
I found the last birthday card that you wrote and then i realized it would be the last.
I wear your ring, but it's big, your hands always overpowered me.
I loved you, i loved you so much.
I tried to cry but i needed to be you.
I needed to stay stong.
But I loved you.
It took months for this to come.
I'm like you, you know.
I hate talking about it, about how you're gone.
How I will never see your smile light up a room.
How when I need to know the time, I have to check my cell phone.
How when I stand in a theatre I remember always dreading you coming to my shows, I knew you slept.
You know I'de pretend to sleep when I was "sick".
You made the journey across the wooden abyss.
And when I couldnt catch you, I would listen about the war.
In August we went to the doctors and then to lunch,
I liked that.
You were so generous.
You had a cup of soup.
I love you.
Sorry I didn't cry, instead I laughed but i masked my tears the same way you would have. |
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| strength |
[Apr. 2nd, 2007|04:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | desk | ] |
| [ | how u doen? |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | toons |
| | silent fear | ] |
Fuck you, I'm stronger then that.
Fuck you, you play me like that.
Fuck you, you pretend you can't see.
Fuck you, I have stength like the sea.
I'm not going to sit here and pine away. I'm the future and bitch this day is my day. Don't look at me like you want to jump my bones be a man tell the truth or go the fuck home. I'm all into peace, and love is my thing, but you stand there smiling and I think one day...One day you'll be mine and I wont cry a tear, but you play and you fuck like racing fear. I wont cry for you, I wont steal a moment to look at you. I wish, yeah I wish you could see that this, this is the girl I could be. But you stand there like a "man" and you close in on me, and what for? So you can tell all your freinds, that you got with one more? Well fuck that shit, you can't treat me like that, I'm peacing out, and when I turn my back on your warm sunny smile, the darkness will hit you and you'll feel like the child. I can be that strong, just give me a moment, or maybe you'll realize that you dont have to be potent, and instead of having your smile fad away, you'll be honest and say what your heart's been dieing to pray. I'de give you the world if you'de just let me in, I'de be that girl, the one you always wished to be with. |
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| fact |
[Apr. 1st, 2007|04:34 pm] |
| [ | how u doen? |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | toons |
| | Mellisa ethridge | ] |
livejournal makes me happier then any of that myspace or facbook crap :-) |
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| the tracks where i stop scar me forever |
[Mar. 31st, 2007|11:27 pm] |
| [ | how u doen? |
| | peaceful | ] |
| [ | toons |
| | silence | ] |
I layed next to him, brushing my skin against his and it was like a dream. Feelings that had not exsisted for such a long time rushed to every inch of my being. Do I question it? Those things, those feeling had left and I appreciated there departure for I wasnt fond of the gut wrenching emotion that I had previously been subdued too. He smiled and complimented me, and I stared into his molases colered eyes the pupils going in and out, and I stared, and I stared. I brushed my lips against his chest for a breif second and his heart-beat rang inside of me. His scent sank into my body, and i drank it in like a child nursing on her mother.
He is capable of thinking nothing, or so he says. How? I could never think nothing, it would be such a silly feeling, a feeling i would never be able to pull from myself. I wish, I wish he could see inside of my mind and understand that I am just a little girl. I'm nieve, innocent, and i cry, I'm not always so strong, but he looks at my eyes and reads what i want him too. Reading him is like reading tolstoy at age five, enough said?
he nuzzels my nose with his, and a million thoughts race through my mind and then i melt, and i realize for a second... a mere second I can think about nothing just like him. And like a cloud i float into an abiss of blue sunshine, and i melt, and i melt. |
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| If all my titles made a book it would be a curious kind of sorts. |
[Dec. 8th, 2006|07:01 pm] |
| [ | how u doen? |
| | creative and slightly clever | ] |
| [ | toons |
| | Give me a chance to hold on | ] |
Live journal was my Matt phase, haha do you still write in yours? Remember xanga? How silly. I was such a creative thinker when I dreamt of being with the joker, haha he is a wounderfull friend, and I realized that. life is spectacularly curious at the moment, I think I like a gay fellow, that is silly in a sad way. I am completly alright with being all by myself, i give myself excellent company. I read old live journals and came to the realization that i change for them, them being the people I like, and i dont like doing that. I want to be me, and I guess the people around me shape me, but i hope to be me, just me no one else. love is a funny thing, a thing of humour, because really it repeats itself, physically one can only keep that emotion for an extended amount of months maybe years, but it will never last. So why do we push, it isnt possible for it to last. Society to the ruins again I say. HA! lol I think its all so silly, I like it when my name describes my mood, it makes me expenanchally happy! completly happy! hehe yay for me and my livejournal!
<3 JANUARY JOY |
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| every month a new begining |
[Dec. 8th, 2006|05:39 pm] |
| [ | how u doen? |
| |  tehe gee whiz | ] |
| [ | toons |
| | snow patrol haha haha haha | ] |
Hello, and by hello i mean lets have sex!So i was just eating an apple, and it started to tase like what a nickle may possibly taste like, is that a bad thing? hello world (more like hello the 2 people who may possibly read this however I highly doubt it, just stating the facts),Alright so this is the deal, it is vacation, and one could call me someone without a life but I have been having fun, in a weird sort of way... The Senior class play, Zombie Prom was spectacular. Today was the best day of vaction, hey hey hey... yay! As you like it, it happened. Its weird how in a split second anything can change... Woah dudes I havent written in this thing in like a year... life is funny in so many ways |
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| the feeling |
[Dec. 6th, 2006|07:42 pm] |
| [ | how u doen? |
| |  childish | ] |
| [ | toons |
| | Ben Folds | ] |
its this feeling inside, like ur all nervous, and you really really wish that they have the same feeling. But sometimes they dont, and thats okay but that nervous thing stays and then you get really sad, and its like your a little kid who just woke up from a nightmare, and no one is there to hold you and you just wish you could have a hug, but you cant, you need to deal on your own. And thats okay. I just remember this feeling and part of it rocked but the other part sucked, the not know. Why can't one just know, it would make love and life so much easier to deal with. I LIKE HIM! I like him, and i dont want to like anyone, I want to be able to be a wallflower, just watching and seeing it all happen around me... emotionless, utterly emotionless, I want to be the opposite of emo, I want to be ome. I want to sit on the sidelines, I hate it, I hate that i feel like someone could hurt me, like someone could change the emotions that are mine.There mine, no one elses, i want them to stay mine. Someone once told me they slept so they wouldnt have to feel, and right now i dont want to feel. but i can't hide, and i can't be like a girl about this, i like him, and I need to suck it up. Everything will be okay?
stupid emo shit, when you cant help it it sucks! GRR!!! lol
<3 Jjoy
ps kitcat no worries im good just the uncertianty and the sickness combined blow at the moment. <3 |
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| fcuk non acceptance of self |
[Sep. 2nd, 2006|11:18 pm] |
| [ | how u doen? |
| | thinking | ] |
| [ | toons |
| | tunes in my head | ] |
life is funny in so many ways. I find emotions to be humurous and right now for the first time I dont want to fall in love with anyone but myself, I know that sounds silly or maybe even self centered but I have spent way to much of my life being what others want me to be and trying to fit into a mold for a boy or a teacher a director or a friend, and now im just saying fuck it, fuck it all I am me, I am a five foot six, sixteen year old girl. I am an actress a waitress and a student and Im really good at all of thosse things. I dont want to fish for compliments by putting myself down I want to be the one who can say woah that was really awesome, and I think every youth out there should be able to be proud of what they are doing. I know this probably is comming across as self absorbed or self centered but really its just me taking a step towards acceptance of who I really am under all the layers. Thats me! |
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| hey world |
[May. 30th, 2006|07:25 pm] |
| [ | how u doen? |
| | crazy | ] |
Woah dudes I havent written in this thing in like a year... hahaha I think thats silly! So Life is cool. I have a show on Sunday, and I am loven the whole beach thing but can't wait for an end of school. p.s. Im also in love sense a year ago haha :-)
Jj |
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| how far... |
[Aug. 27th, 2005|08:41 pm] |
| [ | how u doen? |
| |  not so great | ] |
Its weird how in a split second anything can change...
"I have to tell you something" it can lead anywhere so many paths for just six words... "I have to tell you something" "I have to tell you something" and the conversation repeats in my head over and over again. And I love him so much, and it hurts so much, and all I want to do is to be in his arms. It will work because we really care about each other and everythings going to be okay, right...everything will be alright because it will be and we love each other and we care abot each other so everthing is going to be okay, and he'll have an amazing life. and I love him , I really love him.
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